Somehow...

things are working better.
Yesterday was an okay day in the end, I suppose, though I was a little upset all day. We didn't end up going to church because of the snow (SNOW, in MARCH) but I spent some time reading the Bible and Jesus got me like he always does. :) There are just so many more important things than my weight, and I was reading in John (I think?) about how if we remain in the word and the word remains in us, we can ask for anything in Jesus' name, and he'll give it to us. But there's a catch - that whole staying in the word thing. I find I can't dare to invoke the Lord's name for something like my weight, when there are so many more worthwhile things to be asking.
Now, this may be theologically weak - he wants us to be happy, doesn't he? - but at te same time, I don't think so. I have no problem asking God to help me with my weight, but there're lines somewhere, I think. And of course, the biggest obstacle to my asking is my conscience telling me not to. Can't ignore it, can we? No.
Because then, (bringing this back to weight) we eat as much as we want, when we want, and get enormously fat. Like I was.
I always thought it'd be so hard not to eat whenever I wanted to, and that whenever a diet ended, I could just go back to the way I was before. "lifestyle change" meant nothing to me except punishment for the rest of my life, and I was unwilling. But now I can't imagine just eating whatever, whenever. It's not healthy, that's part of it, but it's so pointless. I can eat enough at meals to satisfy my stomach AND my taste buds, I don't need all the snacks and second courses.
Again, I just have to thank God. I'm not trying to be pious or anything, I just know I never would've had the strength without him. Give props where due, people. I used to be a liar, I'm not anymore. I used to be lazy, we're still working on that. I used to be a glutton, I'm not anymore. I used to be spiteful, I'm not anymore. I used to break rules lightly, I don't anymore. All due to God - not that I didn't work at it at all. I just simply wouldn't have been able to finish it without him. We've still got lots of work to do, but you know what? That's okay.
Love you all!
Sophie Ellen
STATS: Pounds 195 BMI: 28.8