Voila! I have returned!

Hey! I’m back from the States! Yay! I had an amazing time, but I’m so glad to be back. Details later, I guess. I may have told you guys this, but I had planned on binging while I was there because I hadn’t eaten so many good things in awhile, and I worked really hard in January so I could do it without guilt. Tomorrow morning I get on the scale (eck) and I’ll tell you all my failures. I’ll probably be back to the official ‘obese’ rating, but now I know I can defeat it, so I’m more inspired than ever. I love you all!
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Alright, kiddos, no more games. This is the big deal, this is your last chance. You have a few short months until you’re back in college, back in the warfare, with everyone’s eyes on you. And they will notice your weight, because let’s face it – college students are so ready to succeed they will put you down in any freaking way possible. Oh, maybe not friends, if you can make any as a fatty, but rest assured that even though they enjoy hanging out with you, when you’re all sitting at a restaurant together, they’re glad for more than your company. They’re glad for how you make them look.
And you know what? I’m so sick of being that girl. By the time I get to college, I won’t be anymore. Time to change, girlies, and let’s get down to the basics.
I am now officially enrolled in beauty bitch boot camp.
Let’s get the basics down, shall we? Firstly: food is going down – and I don’t mean down my stomach. It’s freaking war now. No, we’re not friends, we’re enemies. Yes, you nourish me. I can take vitamins. Yes, you taste good, but I can reward myself in other ways. Yes, you boost my metabolism, but I can drink green tea and take B vitamins. Oh, and water. I like water, it’s my new ally. Together, we can take annihilate that craving. I’m fully aware that there will be necessary negotiations and that food is necessary to survive, but it sure as heck isn’t necessary for anything else. It will not make my heartache go away, relieve my boredom, or increase the enjoyment of social activities.
Second rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp (I figured I’d consider it a proper noun) is this: sleep. It’s good. Naps are not, at least not regular, three hour naps. They disrupt the digestive system. If I need sleep, I will wait until at least 8 and then fall asleep. But before I sleep…
Third rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: I will exercise. Heck yes. Insanely, if I must. Jumping around and dancing is a good way to do so, but I will also strength train. Since I’m temporarily gymless, I’ll stick to core exercises and push-ups, etc. It’s amazing how much muscle you can build without a gym, and there are no excuses. We be bitches here.
Fourth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: No more messy rooms. Seriously, that is so not high class. Be clean, be organized. Put your damn stuff away. If you fail, punishment will ensue. It’s not that hard, can we move on?
Fifth Rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Personal hygiene. Think you’re good in this department? Think again. Daily showers don’t cut, face wash and toner don’t cut it. I’m not just talking about exfoliation, special masks, hair gel, and eyeliner. I’m talking about the parts of beauty you ignore – polished fingers, manicured nails, cleaned feet and painted toenails, shaved legs (even in winter), moisturized skin, good teeth, the whole deal. It’s not like you have a ton of stuff to do everyday, you can at least keep up appearances.
Sixth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Learn stuff, fool. Read some classics, go to ITunes and check out some of those free college classes, read random articles on Wikipedia for goodness’ sake. Learn stuff, be ambitious. Ambition is a key to confidence, confidence is a key to beauty. Go for it.
Seventh rule Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Alright, here’s the last and most important rule. Read my Bible daily. Yeah, I know, what does reading the Bible have to do with being a bitch? Absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact, the Beauty Bitch Boot Camp doesn’t aim to produce bitches, it’s just a way of emphasizing that you can’t get away with any crap here. That includes wimping out on working on the inside beauty as well as outside beauty. We’re not here to help with that, but we’re telling you that you better have some sort of plan to improve, because if the same old stuff is rotting inside, any beauty you gain will be cheap and plastic. For me, I have to have God in my life, or I’m ugly and vicious and hateful and petty (like hacking into my friend’s email account and changing the passwords just to mess with him after he stood me up when we were going to hang out. I’m confessing here – I feel really bad about it now. But isn’t that just an example of how being a bitch on the inside makes you ugly? Seriously, who does that? Just because you can hack an account, doesn’t mean you should.)
Personality work is hard, but I will be beautiful, because He wants me to be. And really, shouldn’t it be all about Him? In my mind, the best way to be beautiful, is to be like my Abba. But I’m not there, and I want to be.
So those are the rules. Who’s with me? :)