This has GOT to stop. I have GOT to get control back. I don't know what happened; I was so self-controlled for like three months, now all of a sudden I want to eat everything I see. Bad Sophie, bad!
I'm still at 198, but barely (I think), and I need to pick up my game. This is ridiculous. Maybe I should just go on a fast? I have a fairly weak metabolism (no lie) and fasts don't generally make me lose weight, but I do need to get back in control, and a fast might put me back in the right mind set. It's six right now, if I waited 30 hours that could work. The only problem is my metabolism, I really don't want to kill it completely.
So how about this; no food for 30 hours, excepting carrot sticks. Sound good? I won't eat all that many, because we don't have all that many left. And I'll only do that if I must. Alright, I can do it. It'll actually be more than 30 hours, cause I haven't eaten for awhile, but I'm not even hungry, so it doesn't matter. I can eat at midnight tomorrow night, but hopefully not much. Of course, as always, this depends on if I can get my parents to not make me eat.
I can't wait until college.
Anyway, that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to write, and not beat myself up for the past few days, because everyone makes mistakes. And you know what? When I'm guilty, I can't write, so it really messes me up.
Oh, and I've changed my rewards. At 197, I'm going to reread/edit book 1, at 195, book 2, and at 193, I'll read the Stephen King.
I really prefer it this way, because my writing really is more important that my weight (GASP) and I can't let it suffer for my lack of self-control.
Thankfully, the last few days have been wonderful, despite my horrific eating habits (which I will not detail) and I thank God that he's so good to me. I really do love France, it's a beautiful country. I just miss home. God bless you, USA!
Sophie Ellen
STATS: same.
Showing posts with label france. Show all posts
Showing posts with label france. Show all posts
Monday, 1 March 2010
Saturday, 13 February 2010
Voila! I have returned!
Hey! I’m back from the States! Yay! I had an amazing time, but I’m so glad to be back. Details later, I guess. I may have told you guys this, but I had planned on binging while I was there because I hadn’t eaten so many good things in awhile, and I worked really hard in January so I could do it without guilt. Tomorrow morning I get on the scale (eck) and I’ll tell you all my failures. I’ll probably be back to the official ‘obese’ rating, but now I know I can defeat it, so I’m more inspired than ever. I love you all!
**********************************************************
Alright, kiddos, no more games. This is the big deal, this is your last chance. You have a few short months until you’re back in college, back in the warfare, with everyone’s eyes on you. And they will notice your weight, because let’s face it – college students are so ready to succeed they will put you down in any freaking way possible. Oh, maybe not friends, if you can make any as a fatty, but rest assured that even though they enjoy hanging out with you, when you’re all sitting at a restaurant together, they’re glad for more than your company. They’re glad for how you make them look.
And you know what? I’m so sick of being that girl. By the time I get to college, I won’t be anymore. Time to change, girlies, and let’s get down to the basics.
I am now officially enrolled in beauty bitch boot camp.
Let’s get the basics down, shall we? Firstly: food is going down – and I don’t mean down my stomach. It’s freaking war now. No, we’re not friends, we’re enemies. Yes, you nourish me. I can take vitamins. Yes, you taste good, but I can reward myself in other ways. Yes, you boost my metabolism, but I can drink green tea and take B vitamins. Oh, and water. I like water, it’s my new ally. Together, we can take annihilate that craving. I’m fully aware that there will be necessary negotiations and that food is necessary to survive, but it sure as heck isn’t necessary for anything else. It will not make my heartache go away, relieve my boredom, or increase the enjoyment of social activities.
Second rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp (I figured I’d consider it a proper noun) is this: sleep. It’s good. Naps are not, at least not regular, three hour naps. They disrupt the digestive system. If I need sleep, I will wait until at least 8 and then fall asleep. But before I sleep…
Third rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: I will exercise. Heck yes. Insanely, if I must. Jumping around and dancing is a good way to do so, but I will also strength train. Since I’m temporarily gymless, I’ll stick to core exercises and push-ups, etc. It’s amazing how much muscle you can build without a gym, and there are no excuses. We be bitches here.
Fourth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: No more messy rooms. Seriously, that is so not high class. Be clean, be organized. Put your damn stuff away. If you fail, punishment will ensue. It’s not that hard, can we move on?
Fifth Rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Personal hygiene. Think you’re good in this department? Think again. Daily showers don’t cut, face wash and toner don’t cut it. I’m not just talking about exfoliation, special masks, hair gel, and eyeliner. I’m talking about the parts of beauty you ignore – polished fingers, manicured nails, cleaned feet and painted toenails, shaved legs (even in winter), moisturized skin, good teeth, the whole deal. It’s not like you have a ton of stuff to do everyday, you can at least keep up appearances.
Sixth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Learn stuff, fool. Read some classics, go to ITunes and check out some of those free college classes, read random articles on Wikipedia for goodness’ sake. Learn stuff, be ambitious. Ambition is a key to confidence, confidence is a key to beauty. Go for it.
Seventh rule Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Alright, here’s the last and most important rule. Read my Bible daily. Yeah, I know, what does reading the Bible have to do with being a bitch? Absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact, the Beauty Bitch Boot Camp doesn’t aim to produce bitches, it’s just a way of emphasizing that you can’t get away with any crap here. That includes wimping out on working on the inside beauty as well as outside beauty. We’re not here to help with that, but we’re telling you that you better have some sort of plan to improve, because if the same old stuff is rotting inside, any beauty you gain will be cheap and plastic. For me, I have to have God in my life, or I’m ugly and vicious and hateful and petty (like hacking into my friend’s email account and changing the passwords just to mess with him after he stood me up when we were going to hang out. I’m confessing here – I feel really bad about it now. But isn’t that just an example of how being a bitch on the inside makes you ugly? Seriously, who does that? Just because you can hack an account, doesn’t mean you should.)
Personality work is hard, but I will be beautiful, because He wants me to be. And really, shouldn’t it be all about Him? In my mind, the best way to be beautiful, is to be like my Abba. But I’m not there, and I want to be.
So those are the rules. Who’s with me? :)
**********************************************************
Alright, kiddos, no more games. This is the big deal, this is your last chance. You have a few short months until you’re back in college, back in the warfare, with everyone’s eyes on you. And they will notice your weight, because let’s face it – college students are so ready to succeed they will put you down in any freaking way possible. Oh, maybe not friends, if you can make any as a fatty, but rest assured that even though they enjoy hanging out with you, when you’re all sitting at a restaurant together, they’re glad for more than your company. They’re glad for how you make them look.
And you know what? I’m so sick of being that girl. By the time I get to college, I won’t be anymore. Time to change, girlies, and let’s get down to the basics.
I am now officially enrolled in beauty bitch boot camp.
Let’s get the basics down, shall we? Firstly: food is going down – and I don’t mean down my stomach. It’s freaking war now. No, we’re not friends, we’re enemies. Yes, you nourish me. I can take vitamins. Yes, you taste good, but I can reward myself in other ways. Yes, you boost my metabolism, but I can drink green tea and take B vitamins. Oh, and water. I like water, it’s my new ally. Together, we can take annihilate that craving. I’m fully aware that there will be necessary negotiations and that food is necessary to survive, but it sure as heck isn’t necessary for anything else. It will not make my heartache go away, relieve my boredom, or increase the enjoyment of social activities.
Second rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp (I figured I’d consider it a proper noun) is this: sleep. It’s good. Naps are not, at least not regular, three hour naps. They disrupt the digestive system. If I need sleep, I will wait until at least 8 and then fall asleep. But before I sleep…
Third rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: I will exercise. Heck yes. Insanely, if I must. Jumping around and dancing is a good way to do so, but I will also strength train. Since I’m temporarily gymless, I’ll stick to core exercises and push-ups, etc. It’s amazing how much muscle you can build without a gym, and there are no excuses. We be bitches here.
Fourth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: No more messy rooms. Seriously, that is so not high class. Be clean, be organized. Put your damn stuff away. If you fail, punishment will ensue. It’s not that hard, can we move on?
Fifth Rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Personal hygiene. Think you’re good in this department? Think again. Daily showers don’t cut, face wash and toner don’t cut it. I’m not just talking about exfoliation, special masks, hair gel, and eyeliner. I’m talking about the parts of beauty you ignore – polished fingers, manicured nails, cleaned feet and painted toenails, shaved legs (even in winter), moisturized skin, good teeth, the whole deal. It’s not like you have a ton of stuff to do everyday, you can at least keep up appearances.
Sixth rule of Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Learn stuff, fool. Read some classics, go to ITunes and check out some of those free college classes, read random articles on Wikipedia for goodness’ sake. Learn stuff, be ambitious. Ambition is a key to confidence, confidence is a key to beauty. Go for it.
Seventh rule Beauty Bitch Boot Camp: Alright, here’s the last and most important rule. Read my Bible daily. Yeah, I know, what does reading the Bible have to do with being a bitch? Absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact, the Beauty Bitch Boot Camp doesn’t aim to produce bitches, it’s just a way of emphasizing that you can’t get away with any crap here. That includes wimping out on working on the inside beauty as well as outside beauty. We’re not here to help with that, but we’re telling you that you better have some sort of plan to improve, because if the same old stuff is rotting inside, any beauty you gain will be cheap and plastic. For me, I have to have God in my life, or I’m ugly and vicious and hateful and petty (like hacking into my friend’s email account and changing the passwords just to mess with him after he stood me up when we were going to hang out. I’m confessing here – I feel really bad about it now. But isn’t that just an example of how being a bitch on the inside makes you ugly? Seriously, who does that? Just because you can hack an account, doesn’t mean you should.)
Personality work is hard, but I will be beautiful, because He wants me to be. And really, shouldn’t it be all about Him? In my mind, the best way to be beautiful, is to be like my Abba. But I’m not there, and I want to be.
So those are the rules. Who’s with me? :)
Monday, 25 January 2010
And again!
I went shopping again today at the mall, and got a few more shirts. And a hat, an adorable hat. :) The only problem with the mall is I get such information overload, I'm completely useless after a couple hours. BUT anyway...
France has the cutest clothes, and I do not lie. There was this adorable lace sleeved corset style shirt, which, to be honest, is quite a bit more risque than I normally wear, but hey, you only live once, right? And I'd wear it under a coat anyway, so really, it's not a big deal.
I am nervous, however, about flying by myself on Wednesday. I've never flown solo before, and flying internationally is crazy enough, even with a companion who knows what he's doing. However, the idea of finally being at home makes it all worth it. :) Oh, that reminds me! I still have a load of laundry to do. And I have to pack, but I'm planning on doing most of that tomorrow, to help get rid of the butterflies. I also need to buy up a couple new songs and reorganize my itunes playlists, because they're a disaster right now. :D
Alright, so - new clothes, new experiences, a new weight. A new life? :) We'll see.
Love you all!
Stats: (same)
Sophie Ellen
France has the cutest clothes, and I do not lie. There was this adorable lace sleeved corset style shirt, which, to be honest, is quite a bit more risque than I normally wear, but hey, you only live once, right? And I'd wear it under a coat anyway, so really, it's not a big deal.
I am nervous, however, about flying by myself on Wednesday. I've never flown solo before, and flying internationally is crazy enough, even with a companion who knows what he's doing. However, the idea of finally being at home makes it all worth it. :) Oh, that reminds me! I still have a load of laundry to do. And I have to pack, but I'm planning on doing most of that tomorrow, to help get rid of the butterflies. I also need to buy up a couple new songs and reorganize my itunes playlists, because they're a disaster right now. :D
Alright, so - new clothes, new experiences, a new weight. A new life? :) We'll see.
Love you all!
Stats: (same)
Sophie Ellen
Thursday, 14 January 2010
It's been a long day...
but a good one, I think. I went to the mall with my mother, and we had an amazing shopping spree! And guess what! We went to french store, in a french mall, and because of my recent weight loss, I was able to fit into the clothes! Not all the clothes, mind you, but it was the first time I've been encouraged by a clothes store in a long time. I mean, when you live in France, what's the best part? The food and the clothes! Ironic, since it's hard to fit INTO the clothes when the food is so wonderful, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.
That phrase reminded me: I thank God that I don't have that big of a sweet tooth. Weight loss would be impossible if I did. Nah, I'm a salt person, probably to balance out my especially sweet personality! ... >.<
Anyway, after clothes shopping, we ate lunch at a pizza place, and I'll be honest, I ate a bit too much. Not as much as I could've - I didn't finish the plate - but still more than was probably good for me. But shopping at the mall always exhausts me, and I couldn't say no. I tried - I had a miniature panic attack when I looked at the food I was ordering - but in the end my mom convinced me (of course) that this was our treat. I refuse to feel guilty though, because we walked all over the mall, and trying on clothes burns calories!
Then we came home (after a bit more shopping..;D) and I had coffee, because I didn't think I'd make it through the rest of the day without a nap, and the coffee gave me so much energy, I exercised for like an hour. Well.. 'exercise.' Really I did some core exercises and then danced crazily around my room. Hey, it burns calories, right? :) And it's something I can do every day without getting sick of it - I hate routines generally. But dancing is something I can always do.
Then I got online for a little while, because I was tired. :) Now, for dinner, I had a few bites of yogurt and a cup of skim milk and a green tea. I know it's a little skimpy, but I'm earnestly not hungry after that lunch. And I wasn't sure if I should have the milk, but it's loaded on protein and B vitamins, both of which help your metabolism, and it was skim, so I decided to go for it.
Skim Milk benefits: http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/natural-weight-loss-food-skim-milk-ga.htm
Alright, well, I'm going to finish my tea, read James, and head off to sleep, I think. It's only 8:30, but after I finish reading it'll be 9, and I hate staying up late.
Ooh! And my scale is my friend again today! Apparently, my fierce obsession yesterday was effective. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to resort to it again.
Stats: Weight: 205 BMI: 30.3
Sophie Ellen
P.S. My dad had cheese and sausage for dinner (my favorites) and I walked through the kitchen - they were still out on the counter! My stomach said, "Come on, one piece of cheese can't hurt!" But my mind said, "On top of all that mozerella on the pizza today, it sure can! Resist!" And I did! Amazing. But only after telling myself I could have a little bit tomorrow, if I was good. :D
That phrase reminded me: I thank God that I don't have that big of a sweet tooth. Weight loss would be impossible if I did. Nah, I'm a salt person, probably to balance out my especially sweet personality! ... >.<
Anyway, after clothes shopping, we ate lunch at a pizza place, and I'll be honest, I ate a bit too much. Not as much as I could've - I didn't finish the plate - but still more than was probably good for me. But shopping at the mall always exhausts me, and I couldn't say no. I tried - I had a miniature panic attack when I looked at the food I was ordering - but in the end my mom convinced me (of course) that this was our treat. I refuse to feel guilty though, because we walked all over the mall, and trying on clothes burns calories!
Then we came home (after a bit more shopping..;D) and I had coffee, because I didn't think I'd make it through the rest of the day without a nap, and the coffee gave me so much energy, I exercised for like an hour. Well.. 'exercise.' Really I did some core exercises and then danced crazily around my room. Hey, it burns calories, right? :) And it's something I can do every day without getting sick of it - I hate routines generally. But dancing is something I can always do.
Then I got online for a little while, because I was tired. :) Now, for dinner, I had a few bites of yogurt and a cup of skim milk and a green tea. I know it's a little skimpy, but I'm earnestly not hungry after that lunch. And I wasn't sure if I should have the milk, but it's loaded on protein and B vitamins, both of which help your metabolism, and it was skim, so I decided to go for it.
Skim Milk benefits: http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/natural-weight-loss-food-skim-milk-ga.htm
Alright, well, I'm going to finish my tea, read James, and head off to sleep, I think. It's only 8:30, but after I finish reading it'll be 9, and I hate staying up late.
Ooh! And my scale is my friend again today! Apparently, my fierce obsession yesterday was effective. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to resort to it again.
Stats: Weight: 205 BMI: 30.3
Sophie Ellen
P.S. My dad had cheese and sausage for dinner (my favorites) and I walked through the kitchen - they were still out on the counter! My stomach said, "Come on, one piece of cheese can't hurt!" But my mind said, "On top of all that mozerella on the pizza today, it sure can! Resist!" And I did! Amazing. But only after telling myself I could have a little bit tomorrow, if I was good. :D
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