Confessions of the "Obese"

Let me begin by saying I hate that word. What comes to your mind when you think obese? The pictures the media has given us of the grossly massive, fat rolls bursting over waistbands, arms and legs that no longer have any shape, giant massive blobs, where all facial features, beauty, personal style, and indivduality fades into a gargantuan tub of lard.
Yeah, that's so not me.
I'm overweight, I'll give you that. Technically 'obese,' but not that image you think of. Seriously, what is it with the media? 'Average' girls are freakishly skinny and perfect, 'obese' girls are frighteningly overweight and ugly. And all the while, magazines and websites throw Eating Disorder statistics like the evidence is shocking. Sometimes I wish I could hand the popular websites/media outlets a big, zoomed in mirror. Seventeen promotes 'body peace' and yet is constantly pushing the message - healthy is beautiful! Healthy is starving!
And all the media looks at, besides the disgusting, are the thin little girls who worry if they're fat. I know it's a problem with little girls more than ever, but who ever pays attention to the little girl who really IS fat? Unless she breaks a world record, no one cares.
She deserves it.
Really? That's what you think? Here's the thing, I was that little girl. And I'm not the only one. I thought I was doomed to obesity, so when I was a child (who was only ten or twenty pounds overweight) I gave up any hope of being thin, or being beautiful. No one ever tells these girls (or boys) that they aren't doomed to that fate. Surely the prevention is better than the cure, but should we socially exile all those who are suffering the disease?
No one is past hope, and I firmly believe this. Part of it is that I'm a Christian, and that's a big deal of why I'm on this journey. I believe in a healthy body, free from gluttony and self-indulgence. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. Gluttony was never dwelt on in any my churches, but the fact is that it's a major problem. Eating when and what you want to isn't just unhealthy, it's unnatural, and that is what I've done my whole life.
So lovelies, if you have any questions for an 'obese' girl, go ahead and ask.
Confession 1: I want to be thin. Desperately.
Confession 2: Despite what you believe, obesity is not a brain-defeciency. I may weigh more than you, but I can think just as clearly.
Confession 3: My family eats, snacks on whatever is lying around. It's how I was raised, it isn't easy to change that.
Confession 4: Consider yourself lucky if you're not obese. Your faults are in darkness, easily hidable with a lie or an act. The whole world can see my fault as soon as it looks at me. Instant judgement.
Confession 5: I love my friends. But most of them weigh less than me, and I feel embarassed to go out with them.
Confession 6: Those sleepovers where practically perfect girls spend hours insulting their own bodies are destructive. Not just to those lovely girls who are effectively crushing their own self-esteem, but also to that quiet, chubby girl in the corner who won't say anything because she knows she won't get the same chorus of "no! you're not fat!" as the other girls.
Any more? Not at the moment. Love you all!
Sophie Ellen