GAHH!

This has GOT to stop. I have GOT to get control back. I don't know what happened; I was so self-controlled for like three months, now all of a sudden I want to eat everything I see. Bad Sophie, bad!
I'm still at 198, but barely (I think), and I need to pick up my game. This is ridiculous. Maybe I should just go on a fast? I have a fairly weak metabolism (no lie) and fasts don't generally make me lose weight, but I do need to get back in control, and a fast might put me back in the right mind set. It's six right now, if I waited 30 hours that could work. The only problem is my metabolism, I really don't want to kill it completely.
So how about this; no food for 30 hours, excepting carrot sticks. Sound good? I won't eat all that many, because we don't have all that many left. And I'll only do that if I must. Alright, I can do it. It'll actually be more than 30 hours, cause I haven't eaten for awhile, but I'm not even hungry, so it doesn't matter. I can eat at midnight tomorrow night, but hopefully not much. Of course, as always, this depends on if I can get my parents to not make me eat.
I can't wait until college.
Anyway, that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to write, and not beat myself up for the past few days, because everyone makes mistakes. And you know what? When I'm guilty, I can't write, so it really messes me up.
Oh, and I've changed my rewards. At 197, I'm going to reread/edit book 1, at 195, book 2, and at 193, I'll read the Stephen King.
I really prefer it this way, because my writing really is more important that my weight (GASP) and I can't let it suffer for my lack of self-control.
Thankfully, the last few days have been wonderful, despite my horrific eating habits (which I will not detail) and I thank God that he's so good to me. I really do love France, it's a beautiful country. I just miss home. God bless you, USA!
Sophie Ellen
STATS: same.

So...

I made a deal with myself. I made a deal that I wouldn't weight for at least 3 or 4 days, and here's why: I was getting beyond obsessive. After ever meal, every time I went to the bathroom, after every cup of water I drank... So I decided to take a few days off. Not something I recommend, by the way - unless you're obsessing like I was! I started weighing everyday awhile ago and I regret nothing about it, just my own lack of self-control. But I can't focus too much on weight, right? Because that's wrong and will destroy my life.
In other news, I'm going back home in ten days!! EEEK! I'm so flipping excited to see my friends! And I know it's going to be a weight disaster because I haven't been to the states in half a year, and I'm going to be eating out as much as possible, or eating my grandma's delicious cooking. I know, I know! But I've been really hard on myself this month to prepare for it, and I'll try and exercise every day.
I'm also going to visit my old school... weird. It feels like forever since I've been there. Anyways, I need to go get ready for church, love you all!
Stats: I honestly don't know!
Sophie Ellen